How Mark Says Ordinary Things In Extraordinary Ways

"What is that a picture of?"
"A baby dinosaur wreaking havoc on a small society."
(A dinosaur destroying a town.)

"I need to use the facilities."
(I have to pee.)

"Steph, I hope you don't mind if I mobilize."
(I'm going to someone else's room, Steph.)

The Ultimate Hand

(referring to Andrew's cards in Apples to Apples)

Andrew: Oh man, I have so many sexy men.
Mark: What?! Do you have Bruce Willis?!

It's a four letter word...

Karen: I want to test to see how dirty your mind is Mark.
It’s a four letter word…
Mark: SEX!
Karen: FOUR LETTERS MARK!
Mark: PENIS!
Christine: FOUR LETTERS!
Karen: I’m not done giving clues!
Mark: Oh! Oh! DICK! DICK!

Mark's characterization of evolution.
'nuff said

Text Messaging

Christine: Mark! Send me a text message!
Mark's text message: BOOBS!

Ouch!

"You're such a vagina!"

- Mark, to Christine

In the attempt to cover his private area, Mark makes the strangest noise:

JAH HEE!

The Impossible Dream

Christine: Mark, you could be an American Apparel model!
Mark: But I want to be an American Eagle model. It's my dream!

Mark's fortune today: Your impossible dream will become a reality.

EMERGENCY!

Today, Mailbox Mark wanted a bandage for a cut that was literally this big: I.

A Love Story: Albert and Mark

Albert and Mark love each other with the intensity of a thousand suns!
But for some reason that afternoon, Mark wasn't loving Albert.

Mark was sad; he was hungry.

Albert fed Mark cake! Mark was happy!

Mark loved Albert again!

But then he cheated on Albert with Aaron!

OH NO! WHY DID MARK DO THIS?
TO BE CONTINUED.

So apparently the guys had another interesting lesson in Elfy Kraka's Chemistry class. She pronounces "pressure" as "pleasure."

As she's lecturing, she says "...if you do not have enough 'pleasure'..."

and Mark does this




but apparently it was just his tummy hurting : [

While playing Foosball in the basement with friends fans, Mark decided to do another dance move.

ARM CIRCLES!!!!!

Mark: "You know what would be really funny? If you looked into a microscope and saw a miniature version of yourself dancing!"

Also, Mark's hair gets really messy when he sleeps.

"BAKABAKABAKABAKABAKABAKA"

"Wait, do you really need tampons?"

"I DON'T WANNA BE BIG BOOTY!!"

'nuff said

Christine: Yeah, my dad works in Fremont.
Mark:     ... Really? Does he know my grandma!?!

"Who wouldn't want to do James Bond?"

And just a side note,
Aaron's fortune cookie: 

Use your gifts wisely and they will be enlarged.

For now...

... this will do.

Christine: Are you jealous?
Mark: YES! I WANT TO BE TOUCHED, TOO!

And 2 minutes later, he realizes he wore his right sock upside-down.

[edit]
"AH YOU'RE REACHING FOR MY PUBES!"